{"id":3186,"date":"2023-08-16T13:52:38","date_gmt":"2023-08-16T17:52:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gemhealthcare.com\/?p=3186"},"modified":"2024-05-29T18:46:34","modified_gmt":"2024-05-29T22:46:34","slug":"how-to-talk-to-your-family-about-future-planning","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gemhealthcare.com\/index.php\/2023\/08\/16\/how-to-talk-to-your-family-about-future-planning\/","title":{"rendered":"How to talk to your family about future planning"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u201cThe only way I\u2019m leaving my home is in a pine box,\u201d is what people often say when the topic of future planning is broached, no matter how sensitively or carefully.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gaye Moffet\u2019s response to that comment is, \u201cOkay. Let\u2019s plan for that.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because the only way to truly safeguard our autonomy and independence as we age-in-place is to have a plan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fortunately there are tools we can use to make sure we\u2019re taken care of the way we want. That said, it\u2019s not an easy topic to broach with your family over dinner. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are a few tips to be proactive when it\u2019s time to start this difficult conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep it practical: start with low hanging fruit<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before delving into any conversations about home care or long-term care, start by encouraging or helping your loved one choose their Powers of Attorney<\/a>, including a Power of Attorney for Personal Care and a Continuing Power of Attorney for Property.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Designating a trusted person who will respect your wishes if you\u2019re unable to make them yourself is the best way to prevent the government from stepping in and taking over. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Inviting your loved ones to talk about Powers of Attorney can also open the door to completing other documents, like advance directives and a will.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s critical is keeping your loved one\u2019s wishes at the heart of the conversation and emphasizing that writing them down will make it easier for someone else to know and respect what they want. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Respond quickly during crucial moments<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Often the first big loss of autonomy and independence comes when a doctor has to suspend a patient\u2019s driver\u2019s licence for safety reasons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a big blow, but it could be a chance for the family to come together to make sure their loved one will get what they need and stay engaged with the community.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It can also be the catalyst to talk about downsizing and moving closer to family, or possible to an easy-to-manage residence with the amenities they need.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And if the rest of your family isn\u2019t engaged in future planning yet, moments like this can be a good time to pull them in so everyone is thinking about how they can help. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Getting everyone involved will prevent caregiver burnout and possibly another crisis where your loved one\u2019s choices are suddenly limited.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Continuing to emphasize that your loved one\u2019s autonomy and independence is what\u2019s most important. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Connect and engage by listening first<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

While broaching the right topic at the right time is a good start, it can still be easy for emotions to get high. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gaye\u2019s advice applies here as well: let\u2019s plan for that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t forget that these are tough topics. The future we\u2019re discussing is one where someone we love can’t live independently or worse, is no longer with us. Who wouldn\u2019t get emotional? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When feeling run high, we bring our own personality and ways of coping into the mix, whether it\u2019s responding with anger, sadness, grief, or denial. These are just normal reactions to difficult situations, so don\u2019t judge yourself or anyone else for how they\u2019re reacting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just know yourself and prepare, because what happens when we’re not grounded isn\u2019t always pretty. We’re all capable of being patronizing, irritated, manipulative or dramatic. And it could lead us to call in reinforcements and make our loved one feel like we\u2019re ganging up on them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All that can be prevented by simply listening. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Start by asking your loved one questions about what they want, then listen carefully and repeat back what was said so they know they’ve been heard before you weigh in with your own thoughts, opinions and needs. They\u2019re important too, but your loved one needs to know they\u2019re the one who’s in charge of what\u2019s going to happen. You can show that by listening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Other ways to keep the conversation constructive are:<\/p>\n\n\n\n